Posts Tagged 'burning man'

UN to Burners: Lay Down Your iPhones

SAN FRANCISCO–UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch issued a statement today once again vigorously urging Burning Man participants to lay down their iPhones while they are on the playa. The San Francisco Statement on Electronic Narcissism and Burning Man recalls last year’s Resolution 0191 which identified Burning Man as a UN Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone, and the subsequent Twitter Embargo, which banned the smuggling of tweets and other electronic communications out of the Burning Man zone.

See you in ten days. Photo cc Julia/foxgrrl

THE SAN FRANCISCO STATEMENT ON ELECTRONIC NARCISSISM & BURNING MAN

Attention Burning Man Participants:

In 2009 the United Nations declared Burning Man to be an internationally recognized Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone with UN Resolution 0191.  To be clear, the international community encourages you to engage freely in your abnormal activities within the safe confines of this isolated desert camp. It is the position of the United Nations Normalcy Council that what occurs at Burning Man is outside the purview of international law and oversight.

But you are vigorously reminded that the protections afforded you by Resolution 0190 require you to adhere to the Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment, and your most critical responsibility is to ensure the safe isolation of your abnormal activities.  The international community has come to a consensus regarding your activities at Burning Man, and, to put it simply, we don’t care.

We, your friends and neighbors, indeed the entire global village, do not care what you’re doing out there.  We don’t care when and if you’ve found yourself or your degree of hydration or inebriation. We don’t want to see your pictures. We get that you’re taking a break from society. But did it occur to you that society might need to take a break from you?

So please, Burning Man participant: lay down your iPhone. Resist the urge to tell us what you’re doing at Burning Man in real-time. Know that your tweets and photos do not enrich our lives, but rather, annoy us.

And be warned that the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) is vigorously enforcing the Twitter Embargo of Burning Man.  Your tweets will result in stern sanctions, and your Foursquare mayorships will be used against you by international tribunals.

The utility of Burning Man for you is to enjoy hallunicogens and dance music, be weird, and indulge in finding yourself. But the utility of Burning Man for the international community is to safely dissipate your weirdness far, far away from us.

We strongly urge you to adhere to UN Resolution 0190 and the Twitter Embargo of Burning Man.

Internationally yours,

Commander EDW Lynch
UNUCC

See also:

UN Announces International Twitter Tribunal

UN Declares Twitter Embargo of Burning Man

UN Declares Burning Man an Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone

UN Proposes Abnormal Behavior Containment “Safe Zone” in Desert

UN Announces International Twitter Tribunal

The International Twitter Tribunal will strike fear in the hearts of those who would overshare electronically.  Photo cc Yang Yu

The International Twitter Tribunal will strike fear in the hearts of those who would overshare electronically. Photo cc Yang Yu

Despite the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission’s strongly worded Twitter Embargo, illegal tweets emanating from the Burning Man Safe Zone have not been curtailed. In response to this growing Web 2.0 crisis, the Normalcy Council has formed the first ever International Twitter Tribunal. The tribunal is tasked with prosecuting the vast number of tweet criminals and rogue Foursquare mayors who have flaunted UN Resolution 0191, the Twitter Embargo of Burning Man.

@Mike_FTW is among a number of Tweet Extremists defying the UN Twitter Embargo

@Mike_FTW is among a number of Tweet Extremists defying the UN Twitter Embargo

Unfortunately there is very little international legal precedent regarding chronically narcissistic electronic oversharing exemplified by the glut of inane tweets from the Burning Man Safe Zone. Prosecutors are expected to base their cases on the 1849 London Agreement on Spurious Telegrams which specifically forbids “the transmission of spurious, inane, mediocre, or narcissistic electrical communiqués across international borders.” The agreement was last applied in the controversial hanging of the self-involved Dutch telegraph operator and amateur poet Jens Blurgenburg in 1908.

There is no word yet on a timeline for prosecution, but UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch noted that “these tweet extremists are building the very cases against them, 140 characters at a time.”

United Nations Declares Twitter Embargo of Burning Man

At stake is nothing less than the world's ability to ignore Burning Man

At stake is nothing less than the world's ability to ignore Burning Man. Photo cc Steven Tan

Following an intense emergency session, the United Nations Normalcy Council has released UN Resolution 0191 calling for an embargo of all tweets originating from the Burning Man Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone.  According to the resolution, twitter messages and any other form of cellular- or wireless-based communications leaking from the safe zone represent “a grave threat to worldwide normalcy by allowing the weirdness of Burning Man to escape to the outside world.” Additionally, the resolution “reflects a consensus that the international community doesn’t really want to hear up-to-the-minute updates on [a participant’s] ongoing voyage self discovery and/or how many Clifbars they have eaten today.”

Violators of the Burning Man Twitter Embargo will be subject to @reply sanctions

Violators of the Burning Man Twitter Embargo will be subject to @reply sanctions

The embargo strictly forbids any and all tweets, emails, cell phone transmissions, or other forms of electronic communication between the abnormal persons in the Burning Man safe zone and the outside world. The embargo also renders any Foursquare “Mayors” of Black Rock City illegitimate.

All violators of the embargo are subject to the vigorous condemnation of the international community as well as targeted “@reply Sanctions” by UNUCC.

To Report Embargo Violators to the United Nations

To report a violator of the UN Twitter Embargo, transmit the following message:

“I am reporting [@twitter_name] to @UNUCC for violating the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man. #BMembargo”

UNUCC Twitter Monitors will immediately be dispatched to investigate the user’s violation.  Confirmed violators of the embargo will be vigorously sanctioned via Twitter and added to the listed below.

UN Twitter Monitors vigorously sanction violators of the Embargo

UN Twitter Monitors vigorously sanction violators of the Embargo

Violators of the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man:

sfslim
josephpred
steve23
doublejosh
reedsturtevant
hackmancoltaire
shellyshelly
Rubin110
brady
calliloopy
mr_bill
robsample
mike_FTW
jsgarvin
hodgman
owlmonkey
Waltarrrrr
carnivillain
foursquare

UN Declares “Burning Man” An Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone

Thousands of abnormal persons are converging on the Burning Man safe zone

Thousands of abnormal persons are converging on the Burning Man safe zone. Photo cc The Buried Life

Just two days after announcing the revolutionary Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment, United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) observers have confirmed the existence of an Abnormal Behavior Containment (ABC) Safe Zone in the Nevada desert.  The eyewitness report describes a large temporary community near Gerlach, Nevada known as “Burning Man”  and featuring all the requirements of the Stockholm Plan: isolation, exclusion, and all-night dance parties.

UNUCC encourages all abnormal persons to assemble in this ABC Safe Zone and assures that the international community will not interfere with any abnormal behaviors within. Burning Man represents the first real test of the Stockholm Plan, which outlines the use of safe zones to control abnormal persons and dissipate their weirdness far away from the world community.

Abnormal persons demonstate a novel method for burning fossil fuels while dancing

Abnormal persons dissipate weird energy by a combination of dancing and burning fossil fuels. Photo cc Ryan Swift

UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch urged critics of the plan to ignore Burning Man’s intense use of fossil fuels, scarce drinking water, and most of the west coast’s supply of furry fabrics, as well as the bloom of carbon emissions emitting from the occupant’s vehicles, generators, and fire sculptures, assuring that “the environmental costs of this unsustainable camp are far outweighed by the benefit to the world community in the form of a measurable decrease in weirdness.  It is vitally important that these abnormal persons be permitted to dissipate their weird energies in a remote desert safe zone where they can only affect other abnormal persons.”

Water is distributed on the desert floor during Burning Man

Water is distributed on the desert floor during Burning Man. Photo cc The Buried Life

UNUCC observers continue to monitor the Burning Man safe zone, which is expected to increase in size until early September.  The Commission is particuarly concerned about reports that the isolation of the safe zone is being endangered by cellular communications and Twitter.  Commander EDW Lynch strenously urges abnormal persons within the safe zone to “respect and maintain the isolation of Burning Man from the world community by refraining from telling us what you’re doing.” The United Nations Normalcy Council is currently in emergency session to consider an international response to these communication leaks.


UNUCC on Flickr

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Cardboard Tube Duel Tournament at Hayes Valley Farm - 6/20/10

Hayes Valley Farm - 6/20/10

Hayes Valley Farm - 6/20/10

Hayes Valley Farm - 6/20/10

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UNUCC on Twitter

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