UNUCC has confirmed international reports of Pee Crimes at this year’s Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco. Doorsteps, alleyways, and parked vehicles have all been subjected to repeated Acts of Peeing in violation of the Vienna Convention on Public Excretion. UNUCC denounces these deplorable acts and once again calls for global solidarity against Pee Crimes.
The United Nations has been vigorously monitoring the Bay to Breakers ever since San Francisco’s UN Plaza was flooded by pee and Miller High Life in 1996. In 2007 a multinational force was dispatched to monitor and inspect the long-running Abnormal Public Event first hand. The observers were shocked by the blatant violations of international conventions on excretion, flabby nudity, flip-flops, and the alarming act known as keg standing-a simulated drowning by light beer which is illegal under UN Resolution 0117 on Dude Brahs. The 20 person force lacked the mandate and manpower to enforce international law but vigorously sanctioned the worst violators.
UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch calls for a Multinational Pee Containment Force, equipped with 20,000 Porta Potties and a strengthened mandate which permits vigorous observation of all acts of excretion at the 2010 Bay to Breakers. The only protection for San Francisco’s doorsteps, alleyways, and parked vehicles is a global consensus against Pee Crimes.