Archive for May, 2009

United Nations Denounces Pee Crimes at Bay to Breakers

Pee criminals flagrantly violent the Vienna Convention on Public Excretion. Photo by Medeny

Pee criminals flagrantly violate the Vienna Convention on Public Excretion. Photo by Medeny

UNUCC has confirmed international reports of Pee Crimes at this year’s Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco. Doorsteps, alleyways, and parked vehicles have all been subjected to repeated Acts of Peeing in violation of the Vienna Convention on Public Excretion. UNUCC denounces these deplorable acts and once again calls for global solidarity against Pee Crimes.

The United Nations has been vigorously monitoring the Bay to Breakers ever since San Francisco’s UN Plaza was flooded by pee and Miller High Life in 1996. In 2007 a multinational force was dispatched to monitor and inspect the long-running Abnormal Public Event first hand. The observers were shocked by the blatant violations of international conventions on excretion, flabby nudity, flip-flops, and the alarming act known as keg standing-a simulated drowning by light beer which is illegal under UN Resolution 0117 on Dude Brahs. The 20 person force lacked the mandate and manpower to enforce international law but vigorously sanctioned the worst violators.

UN Personnel sanction a Violator at the 2007 Bay to Breakers

UN Personnel sanction a Violator at the 2007 Bay to Breakers

UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch calls for a Multinational Pee Containment Force, equipped with 20,000 Porta Potties and a strengthened mandate which permits vigorous observation of all acts of excretion at the 2010 Bay to Breakers. The only protection for San Francisco’s doorsteps, alleyways, and parked vehicles is a global consensus against Pee Crimes.

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Announcing UNUCC

UNCCH is now UNUCC

UNCCH is now UNUCC

The United Nations Commission on Costumes & Holidays (UNCCH) has been redesignated the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC.) The name change reflects the Normalcy Council’s current focus on unconventional cultures and their dangerous effect on global normalcy.  UNUCC will be expanding its mission to monitor and inspect these unconventional cultures and related Abnormal Public Events (APEs.)

To those who would upset global peace & quiet, the United Nations will respond vigorously-with UNUCC.


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