abnormal public event « The United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC)

Posts Tagged 'abnormal public event'

Normalcy Council Enters Emergency Session to Address Pillow Conflict

Published February 6, 2010 UN Press Release Closed
Tags: abnormal public event, pillow conflict, san francisco

UN Normalcy Council

SAN FRANCISCO- The United Nations Normalcy Council, the international body charged with monitoring global normalcy, has entered an emergency session to discuss an imminent pillow conflict in San Francisco.

United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) Monitors report alarming signs of a brewing pillow conflict: an ominous Facebook “Pillow Fight” event scheduled for Sunday, February 14th with 3,342 confirmed pillow extremists (and 2,034 “maybes”), and what appears to be a rabble-rousing pilitant website calling for open pillow warfare in San Francisco.

Photo by Dave Young

In 2009, the Normalcy Council issued Resolution 0190 Regarding Pillow Conflict in San Francisco, which authorized a multinational observer force to vigorously monitor the 2009 Pillow Fight. The monitors and peacekeepers were unpillowed and UNUCC expected pilitants to respect international pillow law and refrain from attacking the multinational force. Instead, in a most flagrant violation, the 20 personnel were viciously ambushed by pilitants.

Photo cc Zachary Lara

The closed-door emergency session of the Normalcy Council will determine the appropriate international response to pillow conflict in San Francisco, be it sanctions, vigorous observation, or strenuous monitoring. In the meantime, UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch urges rival pillow factions to resolve their disagreements peaceably and within the confines of international pillow law.

Balsa Man Monitored Vigorously by UNUCC

Published September 6, 2009 After Action Report Closed
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, abnormal public event, balsa man, san francisco, stockholm plan

Commander EDW Lynch a multinational force of observers and inspectors vigorously and steadfastly observed Saturday’s Balsa Man Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone in San Francisco. UNUCC commends the safe zone organizers for mostly honoring the Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment. The site was well isolated on a deserted beach in San Francisco and a protective layer of fog obscured the weirdness from innocent normal persons.

In a triumph of international justice, known tweet criminals @sflslim and @steve23 were boldly sanctioned in person by UNUCC personnel. These sanctions are in addition to the twitter “@reply” sanctions issued last week and are even more vigorous. The international community was also “dismayed and very disappointed” to discover a tiny cell tower within the tiny safe zone. Commander EDW Lynch personally conveyed United Nation’s disappointment as well as a strenuous sanctioning.

UNUCC to Dispatch Observer Force to Balsa Man Safe Zone

Published September 3, 2009 Missions Closed
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, abnormal public event, san francisco, stockholm plan

UN Observers will vigorously monitor Balsa Man

Newly empowered by the Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment (ABC), UNUCC is preparing an observer mission to a very, very small ABC Safe Zone recently identified in San Francisco. Known as Balsa Man, the safe zone will open on Saturday and will feature a burning effigy of a man as well as other abnormal projects. UNUCC will be on hand to monitor the containment of abnormal persons, rumored to be in the “tens of people.” Observers will also be vigorously discouraging participants from tweeting or otherwise sharing any activities that may occur in the safe zone.