abnormal behavior containment « The United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC)

Posts Tagged 'abnormal behavior containment'

UN Announces International Twitter Tribunal

The International Twitter Tribunal will strike fear in the hearts of those who would overshare electronically. Photo cc Yang Yu

Despite the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission’s strongly worded Twitter Embargo, illegal tweets emanating from the Burning Man Safe Zone have not been curtailed. In response to this growing Web 2.0 crisis, the Normalcy Council has formed the first ever International Twitter Tribunal. The tribunal is tasked with prosecuting the vast number of tweet criminals and rogue Foursquare mayors who have flaunted UN Resolution 0191, the Twitter Embargo of Burning Man.

@Mike_FTW is among a number of Tweet Extremists defying the UN Twitter Embargo

Unfortunately there is very little international legal precedent regarding chronically narcissistic electronic oversharing exemplified by the glut of inane tweets from the Burning Man Safe Zone. Prosecutors are expected to base their cases on the 1849 London Agreement on Spurious Telegrams which specifically forbids “the transmission of spurious, inane, mediocre, or narcissistic electrical communiqués across international borders.” The agreement was last applied in the controversial hanging of the self-involved Dutch telegraph operator and amateur poet Jens Blurgenburg in 1908.

There is no word yet on a timeline for prosecution, but UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch noted that “these tweet extremists are building the very cases against them, 140 characters at a time.”

United Nations Declares Twitter Embargo of Burning Man

Published August 30, 2009 Resolutions 13 Comments
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, all-night dance parties, burning man, stockholm plan, twitter embargo

At stake is nothing less than the world's ability to ignore Burning Man. Photo cc Steven Tan

Following an intense emergency session, the United Nations Normalcy Council has released UN Resolution 0191 calling for an embargo of all tweets originating from the Burning Man Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone. According to the resolution, twitter messages and any other form of cellular- or wireless-based communications leaking from the safe zone represent “a grave threat to worldwide normalcy by allowing the weirdness of Burning Man to escape to the outside world.” Additionally, the resolution “reflects a consensus that the international community doesn’t really want to hear up-to-the-minute updates on [a participant's] ongoing voyage self discovery and/or how many Clifbars they have eaten today.”

Violators of the Burning Man Twitter Embargo will be subject to @reply sanctions

The embargo strictly forbids any and all tweets, emails, cell phone transmissions, or other forms of electronic communication between the abnormal persons in the Burning Man safe zone and the outside world. The embargo also renders any Foursquare “Mayors” of Black Rock City illegitimate.

All violators of the embargo are subject to the vigorous condemnation of the international community as well as targeted “@reply Sanctions” by UNUCC.

To Report Embargo Violators to the United Nations

To report a violator of the UN Twitter Embargo, transmit the following message:

“I am reporting [@twitter_name] to @UNUCC for violating the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man. #BMembargo”

UNUCC Twitter Monitors will immediately be dispatched to investigate the user’s violation. Confirmed violators of the embargo will be vigorously sanctioned via Twitter and added to the listed below.

UN Twitter Monitors vigorously sanction violators of the Embargo

Violators of the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man:

sfslim
josephpred
steve23
doublejosh
reedsturtevant
hackmancoltaire
shellyshelly
Rubin110
brady
calliloopy
mr_bill
robsample
mike_FTW
jsgarvin
hodgman
owlmonkey
Waltarrrrr
carnivillain
foursquare

UN Declares “Burning Man” An Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone

Published August 27, 2009 UN Press Release 9 Comments
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, all-night dance parties, burning man, stockholm plan

Thousands of abnormal persons are converging on the Burning Man safe zone. Photo cc The Buried Life

Just two days after announcing the revolutionary Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment, United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) observers have confirmed the existence of an Abnormal Behavior Containment (ABC) Safe Zone in the Nevada desert. The eyewitness report describes a large temporary community near Gerlach, Nevada known as “Burning Man” and featuring all the requirements of the Stockholm Plan: isolation, exclusion, and all-night dance parties.

UNUCC encourages all abnormal persons to assemble in this ABC Safe Zone and assures that the international community will not interfere with any abnormal behaviors within. Burning Man represents the first real test of the Stockholm Plan, which outlines the use of safe zones to control abnormal persons and dissipate their weirdness far away from the world community.

Abnormal persons demonstate a novel method for burning fossil fuels while dancing

Abnormal persons dissipate weird energy by a combination of dancing and burning fossil fuels. Photo cc Ryan Swift

UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch urged critics of the plan to ignore Burning Man’s intense use of fossil fuels, scarce drinking water, and most of the west coast’s supply of furry fabrics, as well as the bloom of carbon emissions emitting from the occupant’s vehicles, generators, and fire sculptures, assuring that “the environmental costs of this unsustainable camp are far outweighed by the benefit to the world community in the form of a measurable decrease in weirdness. It is vitally important that these abnormal persons be permitted to dissipate their weird energies in a remote desert safe zone where they can only affect other abnormal persons.”

Water is distributed on the desert floor during Burning Man. Photo cc The Buried Life

UNUCC observers continue to monitor the Burning Man safe zone, which is expected to increase in size until early September. The Commission is particuarly concerned about reports that the isolation of the safe zone is being endangered by cellular communications and Twitter. Commander EDW Lynch strenously urges abnormal persons within the safe zone to “respect and maintain the isolation of Burning Man from the world community by refraining from telling us what you’re doing.” The United Nations Normalcy Council is currently in emergency session to consider an international response to these communication leaks.