The United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC)

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UNUCC to Dispatch Observer Force to Balsa Man Safe Zone

Published September 3, 2009 Missions Closed
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, abnormal public event, san francisco, stockholm plan

UN Observers will vigorously monitor Balsa Man

Newly empowered by the Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment (ABC), UNUCC is preparing an observer mission to a very, very small ABC Safe Zone recently identified in San Francisco. Known as Balsa Man, the safe zone will open on Saturday and will feature a burning effigy of a man as well as other abnormal projects. UNUCC will be on hand to monitor the containment of abnormal persons, rumored to be in the “tens of people.” Observers will also be vigorously discouraging participants from tweeting or otherwise sharing any activities that may occur in the safe zone.

UN Announces International Twitter Tribunal

Published September 1, 2009 Strongly Worded Warning 1 Comment
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, burning man, twitter embargo

The International Twitter Tribunal will strike fear in the hearts of those who would overshare electronically. Photo cc Yang Yu

Despite the United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission’s strongly worded Twitter Embargo, illegal tweets emanating from the Burning Man Safe Zone have not been curtailed. In response to this growing Web 2.0 crisis, the Normalcy Council has formed the first ever International Twitter Tribunal. The tribunal is tasked with prosecuting the vast number of tweet criminals and rogue Foursquare mayors who have flaunted UN Resolution 0191, the Twitter Embargo of Burning Man.

@Mike_FTW is among a number of Tweet Extremists defying the UN Twitter Embargo

Unfortunately there is very little international legal precedent regarding chronically narcissistic electronic oversharing exemplified by the glut of inane tweets from the Burning Man Safe Zone. Prosecutors are expected to base their cases on the 1849 London Agreement on Spurious Telegrams which specifically forbids “the transmission of spurious, inane, mediocre, or narcissistic electrical communiqués across international borders.” The agreement was last applied in the controversial hanging of the self-involved Dutch telegraph operator and amateur poet Jens Blurgenburg in 1908.

There is no word yet on a timeline for prosecution, but UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch noted that “these tweet extremists are building the very cases against them, 140 characters at a time.”

United Nations Declares Twitter Embargo of Burning Man

Published August 30, 2009 Resolutions 13 Comments
Tags: abnormal behavior containment, all-night dance parties, burning man, stockholm plan, twitter embargo

At stake is nothing less than the world's ability to ignore Burning Man. Photo cc Steven Tan

Following an intense emergency session, the United Nations Normalcy Council has released UN Resolution 0191 calling for an embargo of all tweets originating from the Burning Man Abnormal Behavior Containment Safe Zone. According to the resolution, twitter messages and any other form of cellular- or wireless-based communications leaking from the safe zone represent “a grave threat to worldwide normalcy by allowing the weirdness of Burning Man to escape to the outside world.” Additionally, the resolution “reflects a consensus that the international community doesn’t really want to hear up-to-the-minute updates on [a participant's] ongoing voyage self discovery and/or how many Clifbars they have eaten today.”

Violators of the Burning Man Twitter Embargo will be subject to @reply sanctions

The embargo strictly forbids any and all tweets, emails, cell phone transmissions, or other forms of electronic communication between the abnormal persons in the Burning Man safe zone and the outside world. The embargo also renders any Foursquare “Mayors” of Black Rock City illegitimate.

All violators of the embargo are subject to the vigorous condemnation of the international community as well as targeted “@reply Sanctions” by UNUCC.

To Report Embargo Violators to the United Nations

To report a violator of the UN Twitter Embargo, transmit the following message:

“I am reporting [@twitter_name] to @UNUCC for violating the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man. #BMembargo”

UNUCC Twitter Monitors will immediately be dispatched to investigate the user’s violation. Confirmed violators of the embargo will be vigorously sanctioned via Twitter and added to the listed below.

UN Twitter Monitors vigorously sanction violators of the Embargo

Violators of the UN Twitter Embargo of Burning Man:

sfslim
josephpred
steve23
doublejosh
reedsturtevant
hackmancoltaire
shellyshelly
Rubin110
brady
calliloopy
mr_bill
robsample
mike_FTW
jsgarvin
hodgman
owlmonkey
Waltarrrrr
carnivillain
foursquare