Normalcy Council Enters Emergency Session to Address Pillow Conflict « The United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC)

UN Normalcy Council

SAN FRANCISCO- The United Nations Normalcy Council, the international body charged with monitoring global normalcy, has entered an emergency session to discuss an imminent pillow conflict in San Francisco.

United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) Monitors report alarming signs of a brewing pillow conflict: an ominous Facebook “Pillow Fight” event scheduled for Sunday, February 14th with 3,342 confirmed pillow extremists (and 2,034 “maybes”), and what appears to be a rabble-rousing pilitant website calling for open pillow warfare in San Francisco.

Photo by Dave Young

In 2009, the Normalcy Council issued Resolution 0190 Regarding Pillow Conflict in San Francisco, which authorized a multinational observer force to vigorously monitor the 2009 Pillow Fight. The monitors and peacekeepers were unpillowed and UNUCC expected pilitants to respect international pillow law and refrain from attacking the multinational force. Instead, in a most flagrant violation, the 20 personnel were viciously ambushed by pilitants.

Photo cc Zachary Lara

The closed-door emergency session of the Normalcy Council will determine the appropriate international response to pillow conflict in San Francisco, be it sanctions, vigorous observation, or strenuous monitoring. In the meantime, UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch urges rival pillow factions to resolve their disagreements peaceably and within the confines of international pillow law.