Just two days after announcing the revolutionary Stockholm Plan for Abnormal Behavior Containment, United Nations Unconventional Culture Commission (UNUCC) observers have confirmed the existence of an Abnormal Behavior Containment (ABC) Safe Zone in the Nevada desert. The eyewitness report describes a large temporary community near Gerlach, Nevada known as “Burning Man” and featuring all the requirements of the Stockholm Plan: isolation, exclusion, and all-night dance parties.
UNUCC encourages all abnormal persons to assemble in this ABC Safe Zone and assures that the international community will not interfere with any abnormal behaviors within. Burning Man represents the first real test of the Stockholm Plan, which outlines the use of safe zones to control abnormal persons and dissipate their weirdness far away from the world community.
UNUCC Commander EDW Lynch urged critics of the plan to ignore Burning Man’s intense use of fossil fuels, scarce drinking water, and most of the west coast’s supply of furry fabrics, as well as the bloom of carbon emissions emitting from the occupant’s vehicles, generators, and fire sculptures, assuring that “the environmental costs of this unsustainable camp are far outweighed by the benefit to the world community in the form of a measurable decrease in weirdness. It is vitally important that these abnormal persons be permitted to dissipate their weird energies in a remote desert safe zone where they can only affect other abnormal persons.”
UNUCC observers continue to monitor the Burning Man safe zone, which is expected to increase in size until early September. The Commission is particuarly concerned about reports that the isolation of the safe zone is being endangered by cellular communications and Twitter. Commander EDW Lynch strenously urges abnormal persons within the safe zone to “respect and maintain the isolation of Burning Man from the world community by refraining from telling us what you’re doing.” The United Nations Normalcy Council is currently in emergency session to consider an international response to these communication leaks.